As a nurse, I spend my days making sure everyone is ok, looked after, and cared for. This is something that comes naturally to me, and it doesn’t take a second thought. I recently spent three days on an immersive leadership experience with the Climb Wales Leadership programme. Whilst there I realised that although I am skilled at caring for others, I really struggle to care for myself and invest in myself without feeling guilty about it.
One of my main goals when starting Climb was to push investment in the nursing workforce and that is something that is still really important to me. However, when reflecting on the most recent part of the course, I realised that it is not only ok, but necessary, for me to think about myself first and not feel bad about doing so.
This may sound self-indulgent but I believe there is more to it.
How can you push for something without knowing and being able to demonstrate its true impact? Can you really say there is benefit to investment without pursuing it yourself?
The three days that I spent away from work to invest in myself allowed me to think about my own leadership challenges and ways to overcome them. I gave myself permission to care for me and think of myself before others, which is something I have always found really hard to do. I was able to take a step back to evaluate and reflect in real time. It improved my situational awareness and my ability to problem solve.
I overcame my challenges without the distraction of work. I navigated situations with a different mindset. Overall, it provided me with the opportunity to see myself in the eyes of others. It made me question: what do people see in me that I don’t see in myself?
One of my lightbulb moments was when I realised that by focusing so much on what I could do to help others, I was impacting the way that I learned. I wasn’t taking everything in as I was spending much of my time thinking about how I was going to bring all this new exciting learning back to my team to benefit them.
When I took the time to think about how it would impact me, I understood the learning in a more meaningful way. This will inevitably affect those around me as I change and grow as a leader. Only by changing the person I am and how I act on a day-to-day basis, will the learning truly come back to the team.
Understanding fully provides an opportunity to teach others and share authentically: not by me spending the whole time panicking about how I can create a presentation on what I’ve learned to deliver back to the team! What I now understand is that self-investment is investment in the future of my workforce. By immersing myself fully, I will not only broaden my own knowledge and skills, but that of others as we develop and grow as a team and the learning is shared in action and in real time.
I still believe in my heart of hearts that putting others first will always be at the centre of who I am. However, I now feel less guilty for the time spent investing in me. That permission to put myself first for the first time in a long time has really cemented the fact that we should invest more in our workforce. We should not be made to feel guilty for leaving the bedside to learn and grow. The outcome of this will lead to a workforce that feels valued and appreciated.
This International Nurses Day (12th May 2022), we are celebrating nurse’s stories. This is a small part of my story and the journey that I’ve been on as a nurse exploring leadership. This is a profession that is built upon the care. So, let’s care better for ourselves to improve the care we give to our patients.
My challenge to you is to think about a time where you put yourself first and how that impacted others around you, and if it’s been a while (or ever), think about how you’re going to change that and invest in yourself.
